“As you know, Halo: The Master Chief Collection ships with 400 achievements worth 4000 gamerscore. However, your journey through Halo: The Master Chief Collection is an ongoing one, and as part of our launch content update, we will be rolling out another 50 achievements worth 500 gamerscore. For this round of achievements, we wanted to focus on community and the new multiplayer features being offered by the new maps and modes within Halo 2: Anniversary multiplayer. Have a look.” (343i, halowaypoint)
When I first read my assignment description for my blog, this blog / article came to mind. A few weeks ago, I was on the main website of Halowaypoint, and I was heading over to the forum section. However, something caught my eye. The title of this article, so I read this introduction paragraph (or most of it, as it was on the front page as well) and I postponed my trip to the forum section so that I could read this. The introduction had me pumped, both because the information excited me and because of the little tease on the homepage, prompting me to click on the article. I believe this was a very good introduction paragraph.
“In the winter of 1979-1980 I was 10 years old and living in suburban Long Island, where I filled my time being depressed about the New York Mets and eagerly awaiting the next STAR WARS movie.” (Starwars.com)
I do not believe this is a great introduction paragraph, because this tells nothing about what the article is about. Rumours and speculation being a long part of Star Wars history is the purpose of the article and this introduction feels out of place. I would have worded it like this.
“Boba Fett in episode VII? The return of an ancient Sith Lord? Is C-3PO still talking nonstop? Today, we bring you the latest in Star Wars rumours and speculation, from your galaxy to beyond the outer rim!”
This introduction would have fit the purpose of the blog much better, and caught my interest (and I am sure other Star Wars fans) much more.
I find that when I have an attention grabbing first sentence to my introduction paragraphs, they typically tend to be more successful. Like what I put in my daft: “If you wouldn’t fight fire with fire, then you know fighting sovereignty with sovereignty is a terrible idea.” Just a little metaphor or simile or piece of diction will go a long way.
Sources:
https://www.halowaypoint.com/en-us/community/blog-posts/the-next-50-achievements
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